I like a president who smokes

I was flipping through pages on Google News yesterday and I saw an article on Barack Obama's latest physical report. It stated that the president was in good health, but that he still needs to lower his cholesterol count and work harder to finally kick his smoking habit. The President of the United States is a smoker? Why am always the last to know about these things??

I was bullshitting with an associate where I work (one who is known as a habitual liar) about my discovery. He said 'yeah, you didn't know that. He smokes Marlboro Reds'. The guy knows Obama's preferred brand? Really? Barack smokes 'cowboys'? This was all just too funny. I began my Google Images search and found photo after photo (some Photoshop-ed, of course) of our Chief Executive with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

I thought about this for a little bit, and I came to the conclusion that... I like a President who smokes. Quoting one of my favorite lines from Noah Baumbach's 1995 comedy Kicking And Screaming, I, also, 'like a bartender who drinks, otherwise I feel like I'm being poisoned'. Knowing these things kind of make me feel better, more justified. This is precisely the reason why the public eye scrutinizes President Obama in this instance; him being a role model and all, dealing with his addiction to nicotine.

Later on in the evening, at the bar, I was relaying the events of my afternoon lunch break on Google Search. Someone posed the question, 'do you think he's allowed to smoke in the White House?' They continued, 'probably not, with the smoking ban in government buildings.' What? But, he's the motherfucking president. Not allowed to smoke in the Oval Office? Why? Do you know how many times Nixon and colleagues lit up cigars after dinner in the Green Room? Do you think people were shaking their finger at FDR or LBJ when they were seen sorting through a barrage of legislation at their desk while puffing away on a fag? Warren G. Harding was a smoker. Kennedy, too.

They must have done a pretty good job keeping it under wraps. I mean, I only now just found out about it. So, Obama enjoys watching The Godfather with a nice serving of huckleberry cobbler with caramel ice cream, and a full-flavored cigarette.

More Cigarettes - The Replacements